Does the Runaway
Bride Make You Nervous About Your Own Wedding?
5/5/2005
Okay, so Jennifer Wilbanks said in a statement today that
running away had nothing to do with wedding jitters...
Then what other circumstances might have caused an outwardly
normal person to suddenly become so troubled? Is she
really mentally ill and everyone around her failed to notice
before? Maybe her mental problems were never realized
before because she has never been under so much pressure. In
this case, the wedding had everything to do with it.
In more specific
terms, I don't believe her. I have seen too many weddings
to know that most everyone gets the jitters. If the
wedding is not the sole cause, than at least it is probably a
big contributor. She apologized which was appropriate.
Please read below.
5/4/2005 What we all
witnessed in Duluth, GA this past week is one of the
largest “drama queen” incidences that I have witnessed in
awhile. When it comes to weddings, most of us believe that we
would have the good sense to avoid getting cold-feet but in
reality we should all expect that we may have our occasional
“moments” just before the wedding. The guilt of having the
jitters, on top of the humiliation of acting out on them is
something that more brides experience than you might realize.
However, I cannot find another excuse for what happened with this
bride in Georgia. I hope we can all take a lesson from her.
I would like to
somewhat feel sympathetic to the bride in Duluth, but letting
problems get this out of hand is uncalled for. The bride,
Jennifer Wilbanks, was reported missing the four days before her
Saturday April 30th wedding. The whole city of
Duluth mobilized in searches for the missing 32-year old
bride. Money, time, effort, and the emotions of all that cared
for her were spent until she called her fiancé from a payphone
in New Mexico on Friday. Wilbanks contrived a story about
being kidnapped. There might have been hope that
Ms. Wilbanks came back to her senses when she quickly retracted
her fabricated story about the kidnapping. (She realized she was snow-balling a big problem into a
possible criminal one.) She actually took a bus from Duluth to
Las Vegas and then onto New Mexico. She called her fiancé
when she ran out of money.
You might think
that Ms. Wilbanks is now repenting and may have been caught up
in her own sense of drama when we see images of her arriving
back in Duluth with a towel over her head, clearly ashamed of
her actions. Should the city of Duluth forgive her? Should the
District Attorney press charges for causing such a stir? The
more interesting question, is she really repenting when she still has not apologized
to the city that spent as much as $60,000 to search for her?
Without forgiveness from Duluth, the shame will build, and an
otherwise normal woman has forever ruined her image and respect
in her community. To put this in further perspective, her
downfall was not about a scandal or a crime, it was about her
wedding!
If only Ms.
Wilbanks would
have told someone she was leaving!Many people would probably understand
if this was the case. She didn’t have to tell them where
she was going. New reports say she may have bought her bus
ticket ahead of time and had premeditated running away.
She had plenty of time to tell her fiancé or maybe just one of
the 600 guests or 28 attendants that planned to attend her
wedding that she felt unsure.
From every corner
she was non-transparent about her feelings that no friend or
family member suspected her to have cold feet. Ironically
she probably believes that outward appearances matter so much
that she was hiding her wedding jitters from just about everyone
she knew. However, not facing her own fears came
back to haunt her.
Reading the story
about the Runaway Bride made me remember that I was stressed
out just before the wedding. Instead of running away from
everyone, I told everyone to leave me alone. It was not a big
blow-up ala Wilbanks style, but I think most brides have
experienced the jitters to some degree. My wedding was small
and casual, so I can’t imagine the magnitude of stress that
comes with a huge wedding like Ms Wilbanks planned, but then
again I was sharply aware that a large wedding was not my
style. You might want to read my past articles about
taking on a larger wedding than you can handle (Keeping
up with the Joneses' wedding.)
Just remember you
don’t want these bad moments to be the memorable ones in your
life. I have seen hundreds of brides get married and there is
always that bit of anxiety whether the wedding is big or small.
So how do we deal with it?
I did some
research and found some interesting advise on dealing with
wedding jitters -everything from identifying to coping. I
also have learned a few things from observing the Runaway Bride
story.
How do you know
you have wedding Jitters? Some signs that you may be feeling
overwhelmed*:
-
Physical sickness such as stomach aches & headaches
-
Sleeplessness
-
Low sex drive
-
Moodiness or Irritation with your fiancé or family
-
A sense of entrapment
-
Unusually high levels of anxiety
-
Lashing out at others
Some signs that
you really should be concerned about and seek help immediately*:
-
Differing Values on Money, Kids, Religion.
-
Emotional and Physical Abuse in the relationship
-
Gambling, Drug and Alcohol Abuse from your fiancé
-
Trust Issues like cheating and lying
Jitter symptoms
are the result of stress. Stress can come from a
perfectionist view. You need to control your standard of
perfection and allow others to help you. You will always find
mistakes if you keep looking for them. You will be always
disappointed if you expect too much from yourself or more than
others around you can deliver.
So how do you
cope? First get out and learn that there are others that
feel this way too. Don’t justify bad behavior because you feel
overwhelmed or have developed tensions in your relationships
over this wedding. You are not a victim of your own wedding!
I think the
biggest lesson to be learned from Jennifer Wilbanks is that when
you have wedding jitters you should not cover them, but at the
same time you should not let jitters be an excuse for very bad
behavior.
Meet the problem
head-on and take a balanced approach to dealing with jitters.
If you blow up, quickly apologize. If you feel jitters, let
someone know. Just admitting to yourself that there is a
problem might prevent bad behavior. Stayhitched.com advises
that “A major difference between those who feel overwhelmed by
stress and those who do not is not the presence or absence of
stress, but the ability to recognize stress when it occurs and
to manage it.” Talking to someone, even if it is a complete
stranger may help ease your jitters and help prevent a full-on
“bridezilla” assault. Take a break from planning and get it off
your mind for a few days before the wedding. Work on a hobby,
take long walks, or
go to a day spa.
Don’t make too
many assumptions. Don't assume anything about what your
fiancé wants for the wedding. Don’t assume that people will be
responsible for certain tasks. Don’t be afraid to ask for
help, ask your fiancé for input, or assign tasks to bridesmaids
and family members. On the same token, don't get people
involved who don't want to or cannot handle the responsibilities
you assign them.
Finally, be a
leader when it comes to your wedding, don't let your wedding
lead you. This is your wedding and you have
to set the tone with your sense of excitement and your dignity
so that when push comes to shove everyone will be happy to help
you.
Just try to focus
on a few things to supervise personally and let professional
vendors handle the rest. I believe strongly in finding
people you hire that you trust deeply is the key to a "perfect"
wedding. It sets the stage for you to shine.
Manage your time
wisely by taking time off work just before the wedding and
allocate time during the planning stages to spend with your
fiancé on non-wedding activities.
Your sense of
anticipation to your wedding should never be faked. If you
have the tendency to freak-out from time to time, assure
yourself by developing a way to recover gracefully.
Finally respect
your fiancé, your family, friends and your community because
they are the ones that come together to bless your marriage (or
look for you if you run away.)
*Information
taken from womenslife.com
KAK
